For the love I have always craved long ago

i.
For the love I have always craved long ago, he came and gave me the warmth like no one ever did. I thought that was what I deserved when I actually deserved more.

ii.
He played me like I had strings knotted to the whole of my body; like puppet shows. I even thought that if he broke my spine I would still fall onto his direction. He tattooed every inch of my vulnerable skin with the plots of his temporary madness.

iii.
It started off from my lips and went down steadily. I thought it was love until he stripped me bare and gutted my insides with what should've been a device of sacred rite.

iv.
Now every slash on my scar-donned wrist shows how I try to erase the memory of his hands on me. Facing the mirror equals to facing pieces of him; I start to imagine that every evil in existence takes his shape; tainting the innocent, breaking down the toughest walls, then razing the insides and permanently leaving marks of what lust could do to someone.

v.
Now every guy I glance at reminds me of him. How he looked, how he acted; all sweet and caring—in short, all those layers of mask he wore. I attempt many other chances at love yet they do nothing but shatter me further.

vi.
I'm sure I've tried to bury every piece of his remains. I did, or so thought I did.

I thought I had buried them

d
    e
 e
     p
        inside of myself—in the back of my mind, between the subconscious and unconscious layers that they started affecting me more than I thought possible. Bit by bit, my spontaneous acts show how they were carved like an utterly messed up mosaic.

vii.
I'm really aware that what he did to me stops me from moving. He tucked me somewhere between his fingers, holding me inside his grasp, imprisoning me. No matter how far I try to run, it will feel like he is inches behind to make sure I won't slip away.

viii.
Now broken down and totally fucked up, I'm still trying to gather the fallen pieces of myself
in every guy I've met,
every failed relationship attempt,
in the love which I've lost my trust in. All of these caused by his filthy deeds.

For every pair of eye I've ever glimpsed at, I keep fearing that other guys
are
just
like
him.